Stop Letting Your Child’s Behavior Make You Crazy
Is your child’s behaviour making you crazy? Are you scared of the future? Are you thinking, what might happen if your child’s poor behaviour prolongs? Many of us get frustrated with the situation and react back to it in a similar way! The reaction and your attempt to fix all problems right away are quite understandable, but everything doesn’t need an immediate fix, it is not always about right and wrong.
In fact, if you are a parent, and you have a few things to worry about in your cart, that’s perfectly normal – there’s nothing like anxiety free parenting! In fact, parenting is unpredictable, you can never determine achievements or count disappointments, failure wins, cheers or happiness. It’s a life long journey of surprises, keep them coming in!
Now when you are full of anger and you know that your child talks back, don’t let your outburst ruin your inner peace! Most importantly, don’t let your child stretch his boundaries. Take a deep breath and STOP – give yourself some time, sit back and relax, grab something good to read and clear the clutter that had built in your mind. Once you have cleared it up, think about the action that had taken place and your ultimate reaction!
If your reaction is as bad as your child’s, who’s going to watch over you? Since you are the caretaker and guardian of your child, it’s your responsibility and unconditional love that compels you to look after the roots of what’s causing him to misbehave, what leads to an unhealthy exchange? Think hard and look for the remedy and work on it.
“Understand that when you need something from your children, you become vulnerable to them because they don’t have to give it to you.”
For many of us, the only way we believe we can calm our own stress or feel validated is by getting our kids to behave the way we want, but we often forget that they are created for different eras. They have different perspectives and so is the behavioural changes. You, as a parent, can always shape up the child’s personality, behavioural attitudes and values with love and harmony.
As soon as you bring force or any kind of isolation, be prepared to receive the worst form of it. Guide your child by being a role model as children pick everything they see or hear so guard your tongue and actions before it’s too late.
Today, if you take a closer look at the growing behavioural issues, you’ll find that it’s always about reacting to the actions, however, it has to be the other way – once you see or hear anything that doesn’t look very pleasing, ask for some time. Tell your child that, “Okay, mama needs some time to think or look for a suitable answer”. This way, you are not just giving yourself some time to respond properly, but you are allowing your child to wait and be patient, and at the same time, you are clearing up the doubts, tension or anxiety in the air. If you immediately respond and assert your position onto your child, you may skip firmness, and in return, you may fall for ill. Thus, you put the power to calm yourself down in the hands of your children. That’s when you begin to feel needy, and say things like, “I need you to stop bugging your brother. I need you to talk nicely to me. I need you to respect your father.” The implicit message is, “I need you to calm me, validate me, and reassure me & my doubts because I don’t know what the heck to do.”
So before you get in need of your child to reassure you or validate you for your anger, stop blaming your child for all the reasons you are equally responsible for all the things happening. You try to control your child in your own way, they fight back and you start complaining. They are desperate to manage their distress in the only ways they know how, but these ways may not work all the time. So, instead of simply causing heightened tension, more power struggles and acting out, it’s more important to learn some skills of becoming calm parents. Here are 5 easy tips to calm parenting:
1. Make being calm your number one goal
If your child chooses to throw tantrums and display poor behaviour, hold onto your patience and stay composed. Don’t vent or burst out immediately. As soon as you take control of the situation, everything will settle and you will see how your child feels guilty and become apologetic. Soon they begin to understand that there are good ways to interact, exchange and equalize.
- Organize the ‘love’ inside
Organizing yourself is more about disciplining your thoughts and emotions over love. Just because your neighbour’s son has any particular gadget, your child deserves it too. Your child may deserve better than that or may not need anything, depending on his contribution towards the entire lifestream. You got to organize your unconditional love to get everything your child wishes for and take decisions to ensure, you are not over pampering your child that it starts destructing his personality, mental discipline and thought process. If he pushes you for something, just because his sister does it, it’s not enough. You must tell your child that each individual has a different approach, and it has to be respected. The point on agreement must have weight. Your child watches you and observes your strengths and weaknesses and believe in testing your limits to judge how you can be pinned over issues. Your extra dose of love and bad compromises can put your child into misery later in his life. Train them, tell them and connect to them on a much deeper level.
- Stop giving in
Always be firm on how you will behave as a parent, no matter how your child chooses to behave. Never let your child have control over you. They may cry, shout or throw away things to let you give in – the simple answer is ‘NEVER GIVE IN’. If you do it for once, it’s their way out of life. There are times when you have to make good compromises or bad compromises but giving in should remain out of the question. It shouldn’t be your child’s authority to seek approval from you. In fact, it must be your ideal choice for any decision you take.
- Evaluate your parenting styles over and over
Concentrate on your parenting style! There is nothing like perfect parenting. Each child is different and so are you but what makes you better is your consciousness to learn, unlearn and relearn. Just like, we learn not to give in too often, we must look into different aspects and evaluate if you have done anything wrong or you fail to fulfil any promise, accept it. This will help your child realize that being human is more important than being authoritative. Focus and always be open to reshaping your parenting ideology. When you get focused on your life and your goals, you’ll have more authority and influence over it.
- Violence Vs. Punishment
Drill yourself with, ‘there is a fine line between, punishment and violence’. Very often, parents tend to forget that their tone, actions and vocabulary have crossed that fine barrier.
Disciplining your child through mild punishments train them to be a certain way even when you are not around. You inform them of good and the bad ways whereas; abusive language or violent punishments shape them as insensitive rebellious individuals and can strain your ‘parent-child’ relationship for life.
Being violent and abusive can be more destructive than you can even imagine and impact for lifelong. So do not let your anger take over your mind and drive your emotional composure, stay firm and train your child in a way that he realizes and not get carried away.
Let your focus be on your child’s moral and ethical development rather than on the pain for the wrongdoing. If at some point, you are unable to control your anger, TIME –OUT, it is one of the magical tools you can ever witness while parenting. Timing out means, pausing yourself, shrugging off, leaving the place or maybe asking your child to sit at the corner to think, but it surely brings peace! Thus, be a proactive parent than reactive!
A lot of mothers ask us if we are guiding our mothers only whereas, parenting involves both. Yes, we surely agree, but as a matter of fact, moms read more often than pops. So read and pass it on, in fact; keep these tips as your bedtime conversation when you have no one to disturb or poke. We wish you healthy parenting!
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