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Dear New Mama: Your Empathy Is What Makes You So Powerful

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. – Honore de Balzac

Dear Mom Maggy,

Hope you’re well. Please do not reveal my identity as I’m not comfortable with the situation I am going through these days. But I guess, I need an outsider to suggest me on my problem. My friend and I were both expectant moms and we almost spent all 9 months together discussing and supporting each other thoroughly. Unfortunately, she gave birth to a still baby boy in the mid-September just a week before I was due. The news was devastating and I was traumatic throughout my delivery but with all prayers, I gave birth to a 9.8 lbs. healthy baby girl.

The situation got so awkward that I was unable to react, I couldn’t decide whether to be happy or sad. Days passed on and almost a week after my delivery, my friend visited me, I was happy that she made it to my place showing her strength and a big heart. She cuddled my baby, cried as I tried my best to comfy her for future possibilities.

Now the thing that’s pushing me back to my cocoon is her request. My friend has asked me if I could let her breastfeed my baby. Since she is unable to use her breastmilk, she wants it to be utilized other than sucked and wasted. Her expressions, body language, and voice all told me that this was something she had thought about for a long time and I could feel the weight of deep sadness and enormous gratitude all at once. But my husband is not ready and somewhere at the corner, I’m not convinced either. I do not want to break her another time and at the same time, I can’t go against my husband’s wish who’s the father of my child.

Can you please suggest me a good solution to this problem. Shall I add another person to counsel her or shall I convince my husband for it?


Desperate Mum.

Dear Mom: Empathy is what makes you so strong.

Darling New Mum,

The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the centre of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children – Jessica Lange

Congratulations and welcome to motherhood. I feel sorry for your friend and surely this is the hardest for any woman to overcome. But, life doesn’t stop and soon, she’ll be prepared for another baby – *fingers crossed*. Now after reading your letter, I was sure of sharing an experience with you.

I was a member of a parenting society, as I’m today, we had to deal with similar issues as yours and trust me dear; there is nothing better than breastfeeding your child, even if it belongs to any other mother around. I’m sure, you will soon require an overnight top feed for your child so that, you and your child could sleep peacefully. Think again, what difference it would make if it’s breastmilk of a healthy young mother? In fact, it is natural, carry no preservatives and most importantly, perfect for early growth.

Just like you are not watching what’s there in the formula milk and trust it for its brand, you got to trust a natural source that’s pure, safe and healthy. This will not only satisfy your baby but your friend too.

Now the rest is your hubby’s agreement on this. Try to talk to him with 20-80 probability. He may reject instantly. No problem, give him some time and I would suggest if you two can visit your child’s paediatrician and consult. Be open to him and seek medical advice.  Earlier in our times, I had seen mothers swapping babies for breast milking. I see no harm. Your baby is a blessed child that God has given her two mothers. All you need to settle down a schedule for your friend and your baby.

This will not just save your friendship but will help your child be thoroughly on breastfeed. Last but not least, empathy can move mountains, try it.

Lots of luvz,

Your Mom Maggy.

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